Jolly Viking part 13.


”What use is machine guns and grenades against missiles? To control the riots that come afterwards?”

Unknown message in twitter after 8th December 2017

Finnish Army HQ, secret bunker near Helsinki 1602 zulu.

-General Kaski, here is the list of hits what we know so far. All our oil harbors are burning. Yle broadcasting is hit, in the middle of the news. 2 million watchers saw it. Vekaranjärvi garrison took two hits, ammo dump is on fire and at least 250 dead, half of them reservists. Kymi-river is flooding towards Kotka, three important bridges are down, railway yard in Helsinki and Tampere is hit, trains are on fire, lots of casualties. Navy lost four ships at Upinniemi…

-Thank you Captain. Keep me informed. Hows the Helsinki airport?

-They hit the main fuel dump, it’s on fire and the blast wave smashed all windows, few dead, lots of casualties. Internet is full of videos of that fire. Lots of tourists and foreigners. Spreading like wild fire.

-Radars working?

-Yes. 4 passenger planes damaged, one is burning down. They managed to get the people out though.

-At least some good news… good. What am I talking…

-Our prime-minister was at the YLE broadcasting center. We haven’t find him yet. His cellphone doesn’t answer.

-Why they didn’t hit us? Or more military targets?

-We believe this was just a first strike. To show what they are capable. And they wanted it to look big. International markets are skyrocketing, oil prices, gas, gold…

-…and our people are shitting in their pants. Any news from NATO HQ?

-They have send data from flight trajectories, locations, it was the 24th Missile Brigade. And they are deeply sorry and are ready to send humanitarian help immediately. United Nations has condemned Russia’s actions and are having a crises meeting. Also EU leaders have condemned this strongly.

-Let me guess. Sanctions. But nothing more.

-Too early to make conclusions…

-We are not NATO member. They can’t respond with war. And we can’t hit inside Russia. We have no capability. And if we hit, they hit us back 10 times stronger. What’s the reports from the border?

-Russian special operation group has taken the Saimaa canal and holding it. Also the Vuoksi area. Two regiments. Kantemirovska Tank Division is on the gates of Lappeenranta, they are surrounding it. Rumors of VDV moving with a train towards Kouvola region. But in the south they have not crossed the border, just shooting illumination rounds and using drones. At north in Lappland just some drone and recon action.

-Our Hornets managed to get to Sweden?

-Yes, one was lost, mechanical failure, pilot ejected. 15 planes are still under maintenance in bunkers at Kuopio.

-How fast those will be ready?

-6 hours. The Russian radar activity is very high…

-Of course it is. We can keep those birds and use them like kamikaze’s but what’s the use? Take out few tanks? Or one radar? If they manage to get through Russian missile defense…

-What do we do with the rest in Sweden?

-Defend our airspace against hostile action.

-Like Iskanders…

-Yes. Like Iskanders…


Finnish President with his crew, AMV near Helsinki 1603 zulu.

Finnish president Sauli Niinistö was with his crew sitting in a AMV somewhere near Helsinki, in a backyard of a old gas station. His adjutant was reading updates from the Iskander missile strike. Secretary was crying slowly. Two bodyguards were outside securing the area. Driver was pulling a camo net over the vehicle. Empty plastic bag was drifting through the wind…

-President, estimated casualties are over 500 dead now. We have lost national communications on TV, they are pulling up secondary Tampere now, should be up in one hour. Radio is working.

-Was the HQ hit?

-No. Should we go there?

-No. Let’s wait here. Have you find my government?

-Most of them, they are at the bunker in the parliament building.

-Right. Okay… so let’s… have you any news from… fuck. Please secretary, can you stop crying?! We need to make some phone calls!

-O…okay sir. Right away sir.

-Try find prime minister. And call to Sweden. Tell that I am still in charge here. Good.

-Mr. President, looks like two missiles have hit ships, container and tanker. They are blocking two harbor routes. One missile has hit a civilian neighborhood, here’s a video, it looks like spiraling, malfunction possibly…

-This is a nightmare. What have we done to earn this?

-Yes sir. It is a very coward move. Shall we declare a war?

-War. With what? How is our mobilization going?

-Three battalions formed, few companies are ready. Air force is now in Sweden like we have planned.

-And Russian Tank division is already at Lappeenranta. And we have lost our airspace, oil harbors, broadcasting, they can cut our internet, roads, bridges… War. With what? The whole idea was that we have a strong enough defense that they won’t dare to go for war…

-Yes. But we didn’t count for surprise attack.

-And why? Because we knew we won’t survive that? We played these war games like arrogant schoolboys? Like some stupid ice-hockey games?

-With all respect sir, Army officers have told you that NATO membership…

-Shut the fuck up! I know that. But Putin said to me that if we seek membership he will retaliate. That he must. Geopolitics. Geopolitics! He forced us to neutrality!

-Yes sir. Are we neutral now?

Ice cold silence. It was already dark, a pale green light was illuminating the space. Geopolitics. Magic word without no humanity. A world where rape is just a intercourse, fist in your face just a normality and knife in the back just surgical operation…

-Sir, your phone… some one is calling.

-What… oh, yes, thank you… Hello. President Niinistö.

-Allo allo. President of Rossiyask Federatsiya Sergey Shoigu here. Can you hear me?

-Hallo… what? Shoigu? Can you confirm? Where is Putin?

-Putin? He is in coma. You can see my number on the phone. Check it. And my ambassador in Helsinki is sending a text message to your secretary right now. It should say that this is authentic.

-Secretary… can you check your phone… a text message…

-…yes, here it is. It is authentic.

-Da, okay. Hallo Mr. president Shoigu. This is Finland’s president Sauli Niinistö. You have attacked us.

-Hello to you too Sauli. Da, we have had to use some force to retaliate your cowardish act in Moscow today.

-But it was not us! You know this!

-We can’t trust you right now. Our sources say different story. Anyhow, situation is what it is, da?

-Situation? Or do we call this war?

-War? I don’t think so, yet. Or what do you think? Are we in war?

-War… well… at least this is a very serious conflict!

-Conflict, yes. Serious? Can be. But it is not yet. We can make this much more serious.

-Much more?! You have killed my people, destroyed ships and harbors, annexed Saimaa canal and a Tank division is surrounding one of my cities! And Åland… you have annexed Åland! This is very serious Mr. Shoigu!

-Serious? Was Georgia 2008 serious? You remember what your foreign minister said then? He said that Georgia attacked Russia. And Crimea? Serious? What did you said then?

-I said that I condemn heavily…

-No. You said that you hope that Russia and Ukraine will find a peaceful solution to the problem.

-No, we said that…

-It doesn’t matter what you said. World doesn’t give a fuck what Finland says. World gives a fuck to our nukes and our interests. That is what matters.

-But you have attacked EU. That is clearly…

-…a violation? Of what? You think we haven’t thought about that? Besides, we haven’t attack NATO.

-We had an agreement with Putin that he won’t use force against us. He…

-…is not in power now. Because you attacked him.

-We didn’t attack him!

-Try to say that to the World media. Your citizens Backman and Putkonen has confessed. The video is going around the globe now.

-They won’t believe it! It is a lie!

-Look, you should have learn from history. You Finn’s lied to your people about our military pact during Cold War, your people thought that you were independent when you were not. You were targeted by NATO those days but you keep lying yourselves that you were neutral. The lie turned to truth. The more you try to deny it, the more it gets true.

-But that was then. Now is now. New world with internet and free media!

-We know this. We control half of it. We are the conversationalists. We rule the tinfoil people. They are very active. And crazy… but nevertheless, they fill half of the free media stuff nowadays. You see, the era of monopolist world or USA hegemony is over. We will get back to the polarized world. China and we will be the one pole and USA the other. And just like in Cold War, we will be the bad guys in Wests eyes, and opposite. So, if we are the bad guys, so be it. Let’s be bad big. The world must fear us.

-You are not sounding good Mr. Shoigu… this is not humanity talking…

-We don’t give a shit. This is business. Da? You want to do business or talk about love and puppies?

-Business… we had a lot of business with you. Why you destroyed it?

-Destroyed it? Nah, we haven’t destroyed it… yet. Besides you give yourself too much credit. Your export business to us is 0,5%. That is less than peanuts. But to you it is more than 60%. That is an elephant in living room. You should not have all eggs in one basket. Especially when you can’t protect the eggs.

-We have done everything Russia has asked. Why are you paying us like this? We were a good partner…

-Love and puppies again Mr. Niinistö. Like  I said, world know that we are a huge country with nukes, oil and gas. Now they know also that we have to be taken seriously. Deadly serious. Putin with his lover Medvedev were too soft. They have to go. Our people respect force. Everyone respects force. You should have join NATO when you could.

-But Russia said that they won’t respect that decision and that it would harm our relationships!

-Ha ha ha… yes, of course. But would we have attacked NATO? You think we can use force against much stronger force? You had your opportunity but you fucked that up. Sweden is going into NATO though, can’t prevent that… well, maybe. But that’s not relevant now.

-We will call NATO here to Finland to help us!

-No you won’t. And they won’t come. They can’t help militarily a country that is not a member. It would demolish the whole idea of the coalition. They will be then attacking Russia and we can nuke Europe. And USA. And they won’t accept a member who is already in war or conflict with Russia.

-Mr. Shoigu… what do you want? Why are you doing this?

-What do we want? You know… well, the thing is that Baltic Sea must be ours. Finland can’t be neutral. You need to sign a pact with us. And Åland must become independent.

-What?! A military pact?

-Not necessarily a military pact. We need to be sure that you don’t join NATO. And then we need some areas for military. Just some minor things. Like harbor or two, some missile defense in Lapland. And Åland can make its own decisions. The Saimaa canal must be ours, you can use it for terrorist purposes. And the areas to Kymijoki become a demilitarized zone. We will have a peace keeping force there until the agreements are made. And when the deal is signed, we will pull out our troops, capish?

-This is nuts, our government won’t accept…

-We have a pretty heavy list of corrupted members in your government. We can go public with that. We have also some good material of your discussions with Mr. Putin… some heavy stuff… your government will fall in two days. And you with it. And this missile strike was just our first. You see, we don’t even need to drive our other troops inside your territory. We can and maybe we will, but not necessarily. We haven’t even use our air force yet. You can be either a peacemaker or war starter.

-But you won’t annex us?

-Annex? Why in earth? This is year 2016. Why destroy a beautiful country when it comes your best friend… again. Our people love the datchas there. So peaceful and no crime… If we annex your country it would become another Russkij gorat, drunk toothless criminals and whining babushkas…

-Mr. Shoigu. Can you send some details. We need to discuss with this…

-Certainly. Our Ambassador has a list, he will show it to you, just drive back to Helsinki. Must be lonely to sit in a AMV behind a old gas station eh?

-How the hell you know that we…

-Come on. Don’t be stupid. We know you better than yourself. You better hurry, we have send a cruise missile to that gas station. It will hit in 22 minutes…

-You mother fucker…

-Well, need to give you some motivation Mr. President. Davai, davai Sauli! No time to waste!

-Fuck you Shoigu! Driver! We move now! Fast! Perkele… and every one, turn off your phones and pads!


Swedish Army HQ, secret bunker somewhere 1608 zulu.

-General, message from our government!

-Give it here… what? Stop all military preparations against Russian forces. Repeat: stop all military preparations… Jävla. I knew it.

-The missile strike sir? They can hit Sweden too?

-Yes. They are afraid it can be done here too. Call Beklinge, the 103, tell that go to stand by. And Navy also. The sub that is following the Russian navy column. Also go easy with radars.

-Yes sir.

-What’s the use of neutrality against a country that has missiles, rockets and nukes…

-What sir?

-Just that… we need NATO troops on our soil and fast.

-Sir, the Norwegians are already at north, also their air force is here. Danish ships are in south near our border.

-Good, make that public and make sure that they are NATO troops. And that it is a drill. Peace securing operation.

-Sir, we have a message from Åland also.

-What? Who?

-It’s the Governor, he says that everything is under control and that Russians are not hostile.

-What the fuck? Is he kidnapped?

-He says no and here’s a picture with him talking with some Russian military personnel and smiling…

-This doesn’t sound good… is that viral?

-Yes, it is going around social media. He says also to his people that calm down and that Russia is only here temporarily. Some kinda mistake with Finns he says.

-Oh my good. This is smelling just like Crimea…

-Should we send some intel?

-Just monitor, see what the people think in social media.

-Is this a coup?

-Coup, annexation, conspiracy… whatever it is, it is going to be bad for us. What is our capability to shoot down Iskanders?

-We have something…

-Put that all in high alert. Also Air Defense. Call NATO can we have radar data and some early warning stuff… in case…

-Yes sir.

-And call Finland. Are they going to retaliate or what. There’s a slight change that they might surrender… poor bastards…

-Why they would surrender?

-To loose a war but keep independence. The Winter War miracle. They are no match for Russia. That was clearly shown today. Russia isn’t going in with full force yet. They are just scaring them first. That’s why we have the Jolly Viking plan.

-Jolly Viking?

-The secret NATO paper. We have to join to stop Russia from advancing to Atlantic. Norway is too thin line. And our people won’t oppose NATO membership now. They will beg our government to join.

-Too sad the Finn’s can’t join…

-Yes. It’s the Cold War line again. Glad that the Baltics are safe though…

-It is going to be a bloody cold winter.

-Javvist. Exceptionally cold…


… – – – …

The motherfucking saga continues… 😉

This is fiction. All right reserved. Even the bad english… 🙂

…to be continued. follow on twitter >

Jolly Viking part 13.

3 kommenttia artikkeliin ”Jolly Viking part 13.

  1. Keep going sanoo:

    I feel that there is too much focus on the build up on events instead of writing about the actual events themselves. The most interesting pieces have been those where things actually happen and not the ones where the characters talk about what is going to happen. For example the short story where the Finnish special Opps take down the Russians near the railroad. That being said I do enjoy your accuracy on the forces especially on the Russian side of the border.

    Just write about the events as they unfold in detail and the reader will figure out the underlying plan as the story progresses. And please, pay attention to words you use such as stuff and shit instead supplies or other more accurate words. Two minute google search will give you the correct term.

    And the lady responsible for the Russian Cyber Operatives – without a doubt most annoying character of the story. Also what the team does is hard to relate simply because the operations are impossible.

    Liked by 1 henkilö

    1. I had to add this that the ”cyber department” operations here are very similar to what Russia actually did during Crimea annexation and the ongoing Ukraine war. I was in the middle of that shit storm, not in that kinda ”department” but as observing and trying to debunk trolls and media lies etc. We saw all kinda stuff and this what I have wrote here is just a scratch what you can try to do. There is even more murky operations than these…
      Anyhow, like the ”oil price must go up” etc. are related to the big picture: ie trolls boost in social media and other channels things and focus them to strategic points. Here the oil price thing is related to the attacks on oil harbors, transportation and fear of nuclear escalation etc. This is how masses go… 😉



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