Jolly Viking, part 6


Russia Moscow, NDCC, Cyber Department, underground facilities 1158 zulu.

-Davai, listen up, everyone! We have now new orders, open the Finnish internet, make traffic analysis, spot category A, B and D cellphones, make movement lines. Get Olgino ready for disinformation attack, we are going side by side with RT and other media. Target especially Facebook. Stream all live feeds with military and emergency action to department Voina. Open Finnish radars and follow. Start fuzzing GPS over Baltic Sea, oh this is air forces job, why did it come to us? Never mind, next item: cut their media broadcasting center in Helsinki and let Tampere take over, we cut that later. Prepare for the operation ”Electromg”. Oh, and make a fake alarm at Lovisa nuclear reactor plant. Make it big. Team officers to my desk for full orders. Now!

People were electrizited. They have been preparing for this 2 two years and now they have a go. Well, they have a go already 2 years ago but this was the ramming point. It takes time to plant shit in peoples heads and turn media. Especially Finnish ones. Stubborn but easy that nation was. Like a child who has burned himself with boiling water as a child, they avoid all hot and boiling. And Russia was that hot water. Boiler with over pressure.

-Markov, bring us Red Bull and get Olgino on the line. Davai! …okay, team officers, keep eye on your folks, no hesitation. Remember that the monitoring group is just above us. We’ve done good in rehearsals, this is some bad ass shit we’re pulling now. And we love it, da?

NDCC’s youngest General was 36 years old life time gamer Natalya Topor. Like most of the Moscow millionaires children she has been also in Western school after some university studies in Moscow. She was in London, Rothamn’s Media Academy for two years and recruited there to SORM, the FSB’s internet and cyber department. It was easy, she wasn’t actually very good there, language problems and her personality made her isolated and she was lonely. FSB find her when they start some troll operations in Britain and she popped up on streams and seem to follow their idea like a natural talent. And she had started to feel homesick. They send her a invitation to Moscow Information and Media Institution and offered her a good payed job and that was it. In 10 years she has become the commanding officer at Cyber Department, rank General. She had tattooed the star on her shoulder, they allowed kinda freedom on this department. It was full cyber punks, trolls, hackers, skaters… you just named it. Few of them had classic military training, most of them were recruited straight from universities and internet. Some of them were picked all over the world, there was lot’s of talented unemployed hipsters who liked controversality and Moscow was temptating. They spoke 22 languages at that department. It was a horrifying place for old school generals who loved gun grease and battalions in tight formations. They just couldn’t understand modern days chaotic internet and android phones. But Topor had spent his life in internet. She had a mathematicians head in a slightly autistic mind. And she loved to be at the top. She will show those arrogant Londoners that who’s who… well, Finland first.

-Okay, the Electromg. Smog. We start first at far east. Pull up the fake Army 26th and make it look like it is moving. Use the fake accounts but do it smooth. It doesn’t have to be massive, West is monitoring us now like hell and all signals will be multiplied like hell. Also pop up heavy traffic on Vladivostok, we need to make it look like Pacific Fleet is going out, like silent alarm. Army, Navy and Air Force have their orders too, they pull up some decoys and stuff, radio traffic, radars and such. We concentrate on social media, we leak some fake videos, picts etc and use our western friends who will boost those. It’s 1900 local time there now. Remember that.

-What about Magadan? We leave that?

-Yes, we keep that out. It may be needed in phase three. We are in full mobilization, the idea is that we cover that real mobilization. Electronic Smog. Now, the Siberian district, divide it so that half is going east and half south. Make some black outs on our social media that the real stuff won’t go out. But don’t cut it. We need information but we need to also control it. Something Western freedom doesn’t understand. Bloody freedom. It just makes you get lost. We just help them a little bit.

Team officers were laughing and zipping Red Bull, sugar and caffeine. Red Bull was allowed, they called that the ”Russkie Bull”, besides all Germanic stuff was popular in Russia: cars, Adidas, tools, brands… even swastikas and Hitler. They have this weird fetish of Germany, they got beaten by them first in Operation Barbarossa but then they smashed and raped it good. They found out that German weapons, tanks, fighters etc were just awesome tech comparing to theirs so they adapt that. And since Stalin was just like Hitler, suka bljaat, who cares…

-Now, we keep Caucasus, Dagestan and Chechnya in total black out. They are going to have a smash operation there tonight in 6 hours, 58th will move closer to Georgia, silently. Cut phones and internet. It will draw Western intels attention to there. Also bomb Turkey with DDos and similar, troll them good with aggressive messages. Give media the porn video of Erdogan and the fake money transfers from USA military industry. Also leak ISIS and Kurdistan stuff, make the Syria look like a riddle wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma. Just like we always do. Now when Ukraine is filled with NATO troops, we push there fake reports of them raping the locals and other shit. We keep Kursk, Taganorog silent, let them believe that we are moving there in silent mode. Army and Air Force will do some moves that will show on satellites, Ukraine department will handle that with co-operation with us. Major Stalker, that’s your job, do better this time. Capish?

-Da, General Topor. Won’t let you down.

-We are not going in there, Ukraine has now prepared and trained Army in trenches and Crimea is still on our hands. We keep it frozen. But just cause some hype and false information. What comes to NATO, we blame them for everything. Just like before. But we won’t make moves against them. Need to keep NATO out of Finland and Sweden. Shit, I forget the Sweden orders, is that dirty smelling nerd here, Swed’s team leader? Can’t smell him…

-I’m here, I took a shower this morning. Big day, I took a haircut too.

-Excellent example of camouflage people. Take a note. Okay Team Sweden, your job is start dividing Sweden and Finland. Just heat up some old hockey memories, make Swed’s feel better than them and remember to tell how rich they are comparing to Finns, also in culture. And that they will let Finland alone, leak false documents and so on. Some WW2 stuff also. And inside Sweden start a harassing their internet, cut it in south for few hours. Black out their military internet sites. Boost some old crimes Finns did in Sweden, use the Soldiers of Odin’s stuff and cause panic. Rumors of attack coming to Gotland and south Sweden. And that new fake information that CIA killed Olof Palme, reports of crucial flaws in Swedish Jas fighters,  Oh, and refugees. Blame them for everything.

-Around Moscow fuzz everything. But do it in slow steps. Keep information about MVD on the streets low. Make fake counts full of reservists swearing to revenge the Moscow attack, start ”Motherland Fury!” campaign, like #RussiaRevenge #DestroyFinland plans. Fill them with trolls and fake accounts, the people will follow after it trends. We show those in news also and radio talks about it. Let people make selfies with weapons and camo clothes. Sensor the mil information, what unit where etc. Make it big. It will spread to whole country. And our western friends will join.

-Natalya, what about Finland? They arrested Johan Bäckman and Janus Putkonen and one other Finn for attacking Putin. They were supposed to be used in our media ops…

-Change in plans. Finns wouldn’t believe those guys. They both were hated in Finland and they fucked up kind a bad. Let’s say that they were complete amateurs and have no charisma. Arrogant and no competence. We let them believe that they were doing good but this was plan B. It works better this way. Now Finns believe that they were real double traitors and tried to start a war with Russia and Finland. Finns are kinda happy what they did, or we make them look that they did, and also happy that they are arrested. We use this to gain trust from Finns.

-Oh that’s awesome! Very good thinking. So, we have some changes now in Finn orders?

-Yes, we open the internet, feed in some stuff but first monitor their attitude and feelings. Let’s see what’s the vibes there. Then slowly start feeding the disinfo about secret NATO take over, keep up that coup theory, leak some corruption files of their government, we have that a lot. It will show us also corrupted but that’s nothing, our people know it and accept it. It’s the normalnaya. They think that Finns are stupid when they get caught, and Finns will turn against their leaders. The main goal is cause chaos and divide. In this first phase. They won’t dare to blame us, what they do is blame the EU, their own politicians and West causing tensions. Our KGB psyops in Cold War have done some marvelous job there. We use that. I will come and lead the Finnish team with you. And for Olgino, are you on the line?

-Da we are here.

-Olgino, after the false alarm at Lovisa nuclear plant, start spreading rumors of an atom bomb. Then change it to core meltdown. Now, in Baltics…


Finnish Government, secret bunker under Parliament building, 1206 zulu

Prime minister was shaking. He spilled coffee over his papers and cursed heavily. Others were yelling over each others and looked like bunch of teenagers.

-Shut the Perkele fuck up! Now!

Prime minister stand up and through that coffee cup on the wall. With force.

-Shut the fuck fuck fuck up! You bunch of lazy bastards, sons of bitches and Jesus fucking Christ Saatana! Help us now!

Ministers went white on their faces. They slowly sit down and stared their prime minister like a complete stranger. He hadn’t never cursed before. Never. Ever.

-Dear Lord, look down and see this. I beg you, give us wisdom…

They were silent for a good while and then somebody knocked the door, a voice behind it said that the president is arriving in few minutes.

-Okay. Noticed. Now my dear government, prepare something to our president. We need cold blood now. Check your reports and make him three point answers. We need to be solid. Have you Carl get the picture from defense ministry?

-Well, yes, Åland is occupied by Russian military and it is on our east border, on its full length 1340km. Main concentrations are on south, Carelia and north. Mobilization is going bad. NATO is giving us some intel, can’t say anything accurate because it’s opsec at the moment. General Stunnberg is doing all he can but this situation is never been rehearsed, I mean in real large scale. Like all our drills, paper drills that are easy to make look good. And that seems to be the problem, our system has been too easy to make look strong. And we’ve fooled ourselves to that. Papers with impressive numbers and brigades that don’t exist. It reminds me kinda USSR style 5 years plans…

-You underestimate our Army?

-No, I’m speaking about facts. Our Air Force dropped its first bombs after WW2 just 2 years ago. We have been shooting with artillery for 60 years and that is an ancient weapon in modern warfare. We lack everything new that has real effects on modern battlefield. And we don’t have real actual troops that can be used immediately. And we have ignored the mental side. Hybrid Warfare, I remember when people laughed to the idea and said that it is nothing new, that in WW2 USSR dropped propaganda leaflets and how Finish soldiers wiped their ass’s with them. But haven’t see anyone wiping his ass with a iPhone yet… Also this Simo Häyhä effect, that snipers will do the job and 250.000 rifles. But it seems that rifles don’t keep internet open, stop radio waves or prevent corruption. And what if neighbor has 60.000.000 rifles? We just don’t know how to fight Hybrid War. And we lack the NATO’s capabilities, I assume I don’t need to remind you people what those are. Like nukes etc.

-So we can’t defend ourselves now? Is that what you are going to say to mr. President?

-Yes. if Russia crosses the border in east, we can’t stop them.

-Okay, we have to go with that. How about our situation on streets, minister Orpo?

-Bad. People are robbing shops now, police can’t shoot them, will be catastrophic. Roads are full from east, people are trying to escape and our few military convoys are heading there so it’s quite a jam. We have routed some traffic and blocked some roads for military only but it is slow. Also some rioters have start fires and there is reports of clashes between people. Civilians are on streets with weapons and they have a lot of them. Some dead on the shop robberies, especially on Alko locations. We have started our evacuation plan but it’s quite a chaos now. Banks have closed, they have no more cash. Countryside is not so chaotic but there is much less people there. Cities are the problems. All emergency branches are working on overload. Also reports of sabotage, little green men and… everything. We believe trolls are also making false reporting, there is a trend in these crime reports. Looks like they want to diverse our police to hunt refugees and any one who is foreign or looks like him. And it seems to work. I must say that we have been totally surprised and unprepared for this.

-How did our people went nuts so fast? Would it take usually weeks?

-We believe the internet blackout was boosting this. Our Air Force was also flying last night low and over cities when we have first reports of Åland. People were calling to emergency numbers that is this war.

-Well, is this? President said this is still a drill. Russia said it is in war state, Martial laws, full mobilization. We are saying drills, are we giving wrong message here about Åland situation?

The door opened. President walked in with two bodyguards. He looked pissed. Really pissed.

-Hellou government. Now what did I say about Åland?

-Oh, mr President, good that you are here… you… umh… said about Åland that you condemn the Russian peace keeping drills there and that we are not in war…

-Yes. No. No, I said that I condemn Russian occupation there. Just like everyone. We are not in war. If I say that, Russia will cross the border. If they cross the border, then we are in war. Clear?

-With all respect, sir, Åland is our border. The line is crossed.

-Carl, that is true. But that is demilitarized region. If we send there military, that would be breaking the international rules. We are trying to get UN to act and OSCE to avoid more…

-Just like in Crimea? Ukraine?

-Yes. No. No no, this is not like that. Wait. This is just like that. Can’t send troops because otherwise Russia will attack in full force. What am I trying to do here? Shit. I can’t call Vladimir, he is in coma. Shoigu doesn’t answer the phone. NATO likes us but can’t help, my Generals don’t like me…

His eyes went wet.

-For Christ sake, do something, you are the bloody government!

He turned around, walked out of the room and slammed the door. A loud ”Perkele! was echoing in the bunker…

…to be continued… stay tuned… 😉

… – – – …

This is raw fiction. Based on facts. From Finland with love. 😛




Jolly Viking, part 6

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