Jolly Viking, part 5


Lithuania, Panemuné crossing point 1045 zulu.

Kristupas Nevarauske was driving his 18-wheeler and prepared to stop at the Lithuania-Russia border checkpoint at Panemuné, across Sovetsk. The Russian town was actually old Germanic town called Tilsit. Yes, the cheese. But since USSR annexed Kaliningrad in WW2 they changed the name Sovetsk. And it has been since rotting slowly like everything in Russia. People lived still in houses build at 1800th century because they were simply better than the communist era block of flats called ”Khrushchyovka’s”. They should be all demolished with napalm, Kristaps thought and had shivers remembering his childhood in one of those. You simply couldn’t repair those, it was cheaper to build a new one. But nobody cared in Russia. Everything was working at the ”minimum level”. Only threats that could kill you were repaired. And not even those, roads had pot holes deep enough to berry your car, there was people who had drowned in big cities, even Leningrad, in their cars. In the middle of a road. But in Soviet-Russia…

Labą dieną! Good day, papers and passport. What’s your cargo and destination?

-Laba laba, well the same old same old, rat poison, fertilizers, agronomic stuff to poultry farm in Lipovka, Kalinovka and one other place.

-Okay. Need to see the cargo, new rules. Russia demands to check everything. They might check you even harder when you get over the border. Tense stuff today.

-No problem, let’s go and check.

Kristupas jumped from his truck and they went to the back and opened the seal. Border official climbed in and looked around, checked that it was same stuff that was on the papers, wrote his signature to the papers and then they sealed the doors.

-Okay, everything in order. It was below zero last night so roads are icy. Drive carefully!

-Thanks, I will. Sudie!


The truck roared heavily under the full cargo and pulled itself to the road and towards the Neman river that was also the border line between NATO, Lithuania and Russia, Kaliningrad. He pressed a button that started to pump diesel from his full gas tanks to inside his cargo room, especially inside the nitrate-based fertilizer canisters. He tapped his phone and started a live periscope feed, put it on the wind shield. There was a traffic jam on the Luisenbrücke, an old beautiful German bridge that lead to Sovetsk. On the other end was Russian customs and he could see that there were border guards with weapons and sniffer dogs. They were inspecting everybody, dogs were sniffing cars from inside out, people were checked with metal detectors and hands. Guards were masked and pointed guns on cars. Looked like the mobilization and state of war was serious, he thought. Well motherfuckers, in a while it’s going to get much serious…

Swedish Army HQ’s, 1032 zulu.

-Förvaltare, show me that Gotland data of the three Russian subs again.

-Right away Admiral. Here it is, sound analyses, position and headings. I put the recording on speakers now.

Admiral Sabba closed his eyes and listened, he turned his head from side to side and closed the other ear and then the other and again.

-Jävla, I am not old, give me headphones…

He listened again, closed his eyes…

-There! Put it on speakers and turn up the volume! Can you here it?

-Umh, what sir?

-Two of those are decoys! I was 7 years a sonar officer in 80’s, listen again! They are too steady, no moire!

-Sir, you know better than me. But Gotland gave us this information…

-Call them and tell them to check it again. And check the magnetic sensors, I’m 99% sure that Russians are bluffing us to believe they have no subs near that Åland convoy. There is only 3 subs at Baltic Fleet, or 4. Besides they didn’t have any escort for those subs. Russkies don’t send three subs in Baltic sea water without surface ships. No way. One sub and two decoys.

-Calling now sir.

-And send this via secret channel to NATO. And Finland.

-Javvist herr Admiral!

-5 hours. They bluffed us 5 hours. I need to call Beklinge…


6th Army operational HQ’s, Russia Vyborg 1106 zulu

Underground bunker complex was build during USSR era. It still had old paintings with attacking soldiers and Lenin with his hand pointing to west, Finland. Lot’s of wires and new piping, air ventilation were filling the walls. A big hall had three maps on it, one was the whole world. At the third map colonel was showing General-Major Sergey Kuralenko, the commander of 6th Army, and a sweaty prime-minister Medvedev, who was in a too big camo uniform, the current situation at Finnish border, Carelian part.

-138th brigades tank battalion is now at Torfyanovka and has visual to Finnish border. Their 2nd battalion is to left and 3rd is right behind them. 4th is securing the rear. Engineers made some forest fires with flamethrowers and old tires at north, the wind is NE, 3 m/s, perfect for us, sats and drones are blind. Artillery Battalion is ready, 36 Akatsiyas. Also Grad battalion is ready, 18 launchers. Also our corps artillery and MRLS’s is covering them, naturally. Their recon… we have not crossed the border yet… technically. Besides our GRU is feeding us stuff from Finnish side. The AA is more south, we believe if they try to use their Hornet’s, they will come low from the sea side. We do radar sweeps now and then with one unit, then move it again. Besides we have Pantsir’s and S-400 Battalion in the the Primorsk oil harbor area, corvettes 531 and 545 on the area and constant air cover on Gulf of Finland. The Tunguska battery is with the tank battalion. And if they attack first, then we haven’t start the war. Besides if needed, we are ready to shoot down some civilian plane to make them sure that airspace is ours. Of course we deny it.

-Good. The Finns are in chaos right now. People are panicking and the roads are jammed. There is only some platoons, army personnel with active reservists at the border zone. And some border guard elements. But no heavy weaponry, only some anti-tank fire and forget shit, but that’s mainly it. They can’t mine the roads, civilians are there. And we have the engineers mine clearing tanks with the tank regiment, right?

-Yes General, as planned.

Medvedev was quiet and his face looked like he have had a major tooth surgery just few hours ago. With out painkillers.

-Just why they don’t let civilians stay there and get some hits? It would make us look bad in the media. On the other hand we don’t need arty barrages to level shit down, maybe just some smoke screens and illumination. It’s dark soon, the nights are long. Finally the ground is getting frozen. Makes it easy to use fields and forests. This time the forest is our best friend…

-Yes, General. Up here at Vainikala railway crossing point we have 4th regiment of Pskov VDV 76th Division in a Finnish passenger train waiting. When we closed the border we stopped this at Vyborg and took the passengers out and loaded it with them. Their war machines and the rest are on a train just behind them. Also 1st tank regiment from Naro-Fominsk, Kantemirovskaya Tank Division is on this track waiting to get over. 1st regiment from 25th MRB is securing the area and will push in and take control of the area after Pskov guys pull in and continue deeper. Kantemirovskaya will turn to Lappenranta and their 2nd and 3rd regiments are just arriving to Leningrad area, will be on that track in few hours, they can attack from the move.

-Bloody clever idea from our FSB guys to attack with a Finnish passenger train.

-Well, General, it’s actually a variant of Brest-Litovsk 1941. ”Reversed last grain train”.

-Ah, the good old Operation Barbarossa. That was a blast. Best lesson we could ever get from warfare…

Medvedev was going to say something, his mouth tried to open letting this weird chewbacca sound to the air…

-Yes, Dima, it hurts. War is full of pain. Medic! Bring your leader one aspirin! …where were we? What about the ”Operation Clubman”?

-Clubman, yes, that is important. The channel that flows from Finland’s biggest water reserves to our side crosses our border at Nuiyamaa. If they blow the gates at Lappenranta, they will flood massive area on our side and could cause massive shit. We have 4 GRU and FSB teams inside Finland on that area working on it. All is ready for Koroljev’s Spetsnaz ”Pjat” to go in and take control of the vital points. They go in with helo’s, low and fast, secure the spots and fast attack special regiment will cross Nuiyamaa with our new equipment. That regiment is trained to only this, General. It is a plan that has been on our playbooks since 1960’s. It’s only 20km from border to Lappenranta, we can reach there with 8 batteries at the moment. We have a plan B that requires a lot of firepower.

-Never wondered why the bridges are so high at Vyborg…

-Yes, this is the reason. The other big water flow is at Svetogorsk but it flows to lake Ladoga and won’t affect to south. But we are going to take that stream under control too with a similar operation, the Koroljev’s ”Vosim” is doing that.

-Colonel, why you are still just a colonel? You seem to be very informed about things?

-Well, sir, actually this is just my military rank.

-Oh. Forget that I asked. Carry on.

-9th motor rifle brigade is pulling through that Nuiyamaa crossing point and will turn to north, Imatra, their BTR’s are better on those good roads than tracked vehicles, speed is the essence here. We are going to block a lot of roads, order civilians to stay at home at that region. We take control of the radio a TV towers, block Finnish signals and send our Finnish stuff. We have some Finn politicians like Pavel Vaurunen who will give us statements and Ville Haabsalo has done some good spots about this operation which is going to be presented as ”temporary Peace securing operation” against Finnish military coup. Also our media is following closely this operation and we show people Russian media with Finnish text. And some parts of Finnish own media, the parts that suits us. The idea is not let them escape, we give them free food, vodka and some of the regional governing personnel is already bribed or honey potted to our side. We will come as friends, well… we are Finn’s friends after all. They just don’t understand it yet.

-You guys think all in advance, some excellent planning colonel.

-Shut up General. Were was I… ah, yes. Our first task is the river Kymijoki. We will surround the cities Hamina and Kotka, not go in there first. There’s some though garrisons there that could cause too much casualties for the Finns. Don’t want that spread on media. We will negotiate them to surrender, cut roads and other stuff from there. It’s winter after all, they will let us in after they see from media that Lappenranta and Imatra and other places are joying free vodka and food. And that this is only temporary. We are going to gather up all refugees and others, false flag some terrorist stuff and move them to Siberia. We blame them as we have all the time. But if those garrisons want to fight, well, our MLRS’s are ready scare those. They are conscripts after all. We just need to soften them a little bit. We do same at Lahti and Koulova.

-Medic here, major-General! You called?

-Oh yes, give our dear prime minister a morphine shot. Looks like has felled on the steps and broken his jaw. And bring him a wheel chair. Poor fellow. Where were colonel?

-This is the south Carelian part in basics, the land force part. On the other map I’ll show you the air force and Baltic Sea plans, also other stuff. Further north Carelia we have 6th tank brigade ready to cross border near Parikala, they will turn to Punkharju. At Sortavala we have the newly formed separate tank regiment from Putin’s Nashi caders and loyalists with some special elements, Omsk VDV will drop a regiment to Joensuu and they take the airport, then we send in some more stuff, prepare defense to west, exploit to north, take Koli, Nyrmes and Juukha. The had a brigade there few years ago at Kontyoranta, we use that area to establish a basement. The Lapland operation is still open, it depends on some variables, we might go straight to Sweden border, or just cut it from south Finland, the Putin’s Bomb, nuclear factory construction site at Hanhykivi will be secured by another VDV parachute operation, it could be enough there. Depends. We improvise on the move. But basically same as the south. Peace securing operation. We are moving troops from east all the time to take the places of the troops send to west. No need to think about rotation now when we are in state of war. Also we are calling reservists fast and we are forming 6 Divisions in 4 days, they have been given the silent order month ago. Equipment is ready at Petrozavodsk, Lakhdenpohja and other storages.

-Oh look, Dima has fallen asleep… aww…

Finland, near Jyväskylä, 500m SE from railroad bomb 1121 zulu

Pavel was pissing outside the car and farting loud. Beer was good in Finland and he liked it a lot. With vodka. A dog was barking some where, a typical Finnish countryside sound: old chained spitzer just announcing his friends that wassap. And that maybe a squirrel was somewhere near. Or enemy. Lexa was smoking inside the car and listening his satellite receiver that was tuned up to 6263kHz. They have waited for 7 hours to get a go ahead to activate the railroad mayhem they’ve prepared. He was getting nervous.

-Lexa, relax, have a drink.

-The radio said that all passenger traffic has been cancelled because they have problems. Well, in reality they need the tracks for military. But why there’s been not a single train yet?

-Nah, Finns are confused, it takes time to load tanks and shit. Relax, it will come.

Lexa took the bottle and give it a good hit.

-Ah shit. I remember when I was conscript, we drank some washing alcohol. I was at air base that had bombers. They had tons of pure ethanol, we need it to clean Backfires butt. 4 guys died when they simply dropped from those heights, alcohol poisoning killed them before they hit the ground. Oh those days…

-I was in a shitty regiment at far east, Sakhalin. Coastal missile stuff. It was a fucking Gulag. We had three missiles, two were just old scrap, one was supposed to work. 3 guys tried to escape one day with a boat. They drowned, one frigate just ran over them.

-Things were luxury at west bases those days.

-Yeah, and you get there only if you were a party member, or your parents were.

-And your parents were…

-Umh… well my uncle was a major in missile troops. And a party member. He wrote me recommendations.

-Bljat, I wasn’t that lucky. I never knew my father. They said he died in prison. My mother was just a factory worker. No chance for that.

-Yes, the system was harsh. But what could you do. You just go with flow…

-Flow… for others a stream of misery and pain and others were having a party on a luxury ship sailing on it…

-But it’s history Pavel. Now we are making new Russia. Better Russia! And you are now in the ship…

-Da, yes I am. Let’s have a drink for that!

It was already dark. Small snow flakes were drifting in the air. Finnish radio was reading news to people that they should keep calm and avoid panic. The president of Finland was speaking…

-Dear citizens and others. Situation is little bit not normal right now. There is some kinda mistake happen in Russia and that has caused some over reaction from Moscow right now. The reports of Russia attacking Finland are not quite true, they are now in Åland, yes that part is true. But they say it is a peace drill. We are checking that now. Also president of USA, ms Clinton has condemned the actions of Russia and so has European Union and United Nations. We strongly condemn the attack at Moscow and hope that Putin will recover soon. In situation like this it is normal that they increase their military readiness. But our intelligence says it is not aimed against us…

-Bljaat, that guy is a pussy… fucking pederast…

-…but we have increased our military readiness just to make sure that… well, this is a readiness exercise to test our systems. No need for panic. Things will be normal quite soon, quite soon. Now what comes to the acting Russian president Shoigus claims that Finns are behind the Moscow bombing, we can only say that it is not true. The Finns they have arrested in Moscow are yes, our citizens but they have been working in Russia for years and for Russian government. They have actively done information campaigns against us and our police is investigating them, also. We will give all help for Russia to resolve this mystery. I have given the Army command to General Stunnberg, this is normal and goes by our laws. We have made some changes in our government, this is also part of this readiness exercise, our new defense minister is Carl Hägglund, we called him back, he was acting defense minister in our previous government. Our new foreign minister will be appointed soon, Timo Soini is at the moment not capable of work, he has serious fever and is at hospital care now. I assure you that we are not having any kinda coup going on. Our parliament has accepted all these changes and…

-They still don’t understand what they are facing…

-Or they do but try to play time. What they don’t have. Slow Finns…

-Don’t forget that the fastest Formula one drivers come from Finland. Raikkonen.

-And hockey, suka bljaat, I never forgive the Sochi embarrassment.

-They should have their hockey coaches leading that country…

-Ha ha… that’s good one Pavel, let’s drink for that!

Suddenly the sat receiver started to announce numbers. Numbers in four groups. Pavel turned the car radio down and Lexa started to write down the numbers… tsitire vosim adin nol…pjat dva nol tri… tri sem sem vosim…

At Luga 26th missile brigade commander General-Major Larimov was writing down the same numbers…

…to be continue… stay tuned. 😉

… – – – …

Sorry for bad English. It’s not my first language… part 6 soon… 😛








Jolly Viking, part 5


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