Jolly Viking, part 4



Swedish Air Force Base, some where near Beklinge 0900 zulu.

28 pilots was sitting in a briefing room with full gears, helmets on their laps. Nobody was chewing gum. They had Sparta kinda faces and eyes like angry hawks. This was Squadron 103. It wasn’t on any papers or lists. But here it was, and their planes were getting fueled and armed with full loads of shit that blows big holes to ships and tanks. And everything.

-…situation over Baltic Sea is tense, there is massive radar activity from land and sea. Also Kaliningrad coastal defense radars are pinging. The naval group heading to Åland has Gauntlet’s that can hit up to 12km but Kaliningrad has S-400’s that, as you know can hit up to 400km. We are going to fly low. Very low. We use Gotland as radar cover and then our group 205 will make us a corridor with various counter measures. We will have help from our Polish friends and Danish Navy who will start a heavy radar drills on Russia’s frequencies. Also German intel ship Alster is heading to area and is feeding us with data. Polish Air Force is already over Baltic Sea and will use their MiG’s and Su’s to stir up their radar operators heads. Officially NATO isn’t helping us, they are just having drills. Peace Keeping Drills. Officially we are working under the Lisbon Treaty. And right after our attack our government goes public and announces that we have joint NATO. And denies that we attacked.

-Sir, what about Norway?

-Good point, Norway can’t help us under Lisbon Treaty nor as NATO country. But we are having a peace keeping drill with them also in North. There is already two tank battalions heading to Kalix and squadron of their F-16’s and 2 squadrons of F-18’s are on their way. Officially this is a normal drill we have planned year ago. And we have planned this. Only it has more troops than in the actual plan. Like 100 times more.

-Any news from Finland?

-Finland will fly its Hornets to our side soon. We are preparing ammo and other stuff for them. We are sure that Russia will hit their Air Bases quite soon. They are flying their mechanics and support personnel at the moment to our side. We will use road bases Håkan, Bertil, Ragnar och Ylva for them. Norway will bring them stuff also. The Finnish pilot we saved from Baltic Sea said that Russians have long range AA missiles and that he had three missiles on his tail, one radar and two heat seekers.

-So they will try to wipe Finns out when they fly here?

-They will certainly try. Finns will do some false attacks first and make them use few missiles and reveal their positions. Then they and we know what areas to chaff and use some new electronic warfare shit. There is one Russian fighter squadron at Aland, Su-30’s. We will drag them to near Gotland and have a surprise there waiting for them. But they need that S-400 there, fighters alone can’t hold an island. They have BUK’s naval system on two destroyers that can hit up to 40km. One of those destroyers is followed by our sub. It will launch torpedoes at it 15 minutes before our attack. We are showing that Russkie bear that it has poked its face into Vikings nest. And we are going to stink to the most painful areas: nose, eyes and ears. Never mind the claws, we avoid the force, we take it’s head…

Kreml, Moscow, media room 0935 zulu.

Shoigu was sitting like a stick. He felt like his hair was full of electronic ants and he had a hard on like he never felt before. Goddamn the war meth was good. And Goddamn I am the God, he felt. No wonder the Finns were so good at the WW2 he thought, and we gave our soldiers vodka with morphine. Never again, he thought and looked at the reporters, journalists and TV-groups in front of him. He smirked and felt this funny feeling that he could kill all of them with one command. It is great, no, it is awesome to be Putin…

-In the name of Russian Federation, government and Armed Forces, Russia is now officially in full war. This morning at 10:55 our president Putin was attacked with a bomb at the National Defense Command Center. He is now in a serious condition and in coma. Doctors are doing all they can to save his life. By the orders of our constitution and laws, the government of Russia has appointed me, Sergey Shoigu, defense ministry and General of the Armed Forces as the commanding President of Russian Federation.

He looked the audience that was stunned and horrified, over his classes and felt like a rock-star. He was holding now keys to over 7000 nuclear warheads. Blitzkrieg pop. Motherfuckers, you will get a show that ends the history of the world, he smiled inside.

-We have arrested 5 people, three of them are Finnish citizens near the bomb attack. Two of them have confessed planting a bomb to assassinate our president Putin. Finland has used our friendship and kindness as a cover to launch this cowardly attack. You can see now on the screens pictures and names of these Finnish citizens, Yuhan Backman, Jon Hellevig and Anus Putkonen. They have been working closely with Russian media institutions and this Backman was infiltrated deeply in our political system. We believe they have also worked for NATO and one of them have assumable been working for CIA and exposed some of our nuclear secrets. We believe they have used Rosatom nuclear plant deal as a tool to get into secret files by bribing and corrupting our system. The other two arrested are Russian citizens who have been working for these Finns and they are from Dagestan area. They had fanatic Muslim literature and maps of strategic areas around Moscow in their apartments when we arrested them. This is a conspiracy.  Also Finland is now mobilizing its Army and had cowardly killed three Russian soldiers at Peace Keeping Drills at Aland. This drill was planted long ago with Finnish President Niinisto in friendship and fully co-operation as against terrorism and to secure the Baltic Sea situation. Now our friends have stabbed us in the back. We have also reports of Finnish soldiers crossing our border in Carelia carrying fascist signs. They have opened fire against our border troops and one Russian citizen, woman age 24 has been raped and beaten to death in Helsinki yesterday. We won’t tolerate this. We protect our citizens all over the world.

-But why would Finland attack Russia? This is BBC correspondent Stacey Hummington asking.

-Nationalism is rising all over Europe. Finland was Hitler’s ally in WW2. Hitlerism has never vanished from Finland. Or Europe. And Finland is having a military coup right now. We believe that they have a fascist conspiracy inside their Army and politicians. They have let the nationalistic party Basic Finns in the government, one of them is defense minister and one is foreign minister. They have openly supported the Fascist street movement, who was behind the young Russian woman rape and death, the so called ”Soldiers of Odyn” which has now spread to all Scandinavia, Norway. And we remember Breivik who is one of the worst terrorists in whole history who is one of these also.

-How do you comment that Aland peace drill, that it is actually Russia annexing Aland? President of Finland has just said that there is no peace drills and that you sneakily attacked there on night right after Finland’s Independence day?

-This is part of their information war against us. They are simply lying. There is no proof of what he is saying.

-Proof? But your troops are there? Isn’t that a proof?

-Yes they are there because they are in Peace Keeping Mission. They haven’t kill anyone, they are there just to secure that Peace will stay on that area and that Finns won’t secretly annex a demilitarize area. This  was discussed at United Nations few months ago, we have this suspicious feeling that something like this Finnish Military Fascist coup will happen.

-So now you are saying that this is not a joint peace keeping drill with Finns?

-Not anymore after they attacked our president and Moscow. And shot 3 of our soldiers. We have send a note to Finland and cancelled this joint drill. It is now our drill. And we will gladly let OSCE and United Nations to observe our peace drill. But this is minority at the moment, 30 minutes ago I have ordered full military mobilization.

-Full mobilization? Against NATO?

-This is going strictly under our constitution and laws, this is our answer to brutal attack. We are securing our borders and going to protect our citizens. We are not attacking NATO or anyone. We are protecting. We are demanding that Finland will stop its militarization and war preparations against us, that they pull out their troops from Carelia and that they stop their plans to join NATO. We have a agreement with Finland that they will not help or join NATO and USA but now they have had drills with USA Air Force and other NATO elements against our deal. This is going to stop now.

-So you are going to war?

-If it is necessary to protect our citizens, yes.


Finnish Army HQ, secret command bunker, near Helsinki 1005 zulu.

-Holy fuck what amount of horse shit that Shaitan vomit over us!

-Perkele, that was a multi heavy barrage that. Well, it was expected.

-General Kaski, we have message through secret line 7. It’s from Sweden.

-Have you encrypted it? Is it from 103?

-Yes, it says ”Exodus 23:28”.

-Excellent. Send them ”Amen Brothers!” and get me Baltic Fleet positions.

-General, what was that?

-Bible. Now get me the positions and call general meeting in 30 minutes.

-Yes sir!

Kaski went to the map board where colonel Turto was drawing positions and arrows, three radios were on and two screens showing data non stop. Coffee machine was spitting hot water over black grounded coffee.

-Colonel, how’s the land forces mobilization going?

-Not good. We have to pick up men by hand. We can’t read lists on radio or TV, besides emails or other internet stuff doesn’t work. It isn’t secure either. We have to post orders but as you know, it is way too slow.

-What do we have at the moment?

-Mobilization has been going on just 3 hours, we have nothing from there. Few officers are lifting up storages to give clothing and weapons, all garrisons are in code red, conscripts are supposedly arranging the close defense, truck companies are just heating up, fuel storages are half empty and roads are getting jammed. Also reports from the military police units that are picking up the A group that half of them are not coming, they have wife and kids crying, they need to go to bank and give money to their families, some of them are still too toxicated from yesterday, some of them simply says fuck off. One started to shoot with his hunting weapons from his window and yelled ”You can keep your jack”. We just leave these men, can’t force them.

-But half is coming?

-Well, yes and no. Some of them come right away, some of them come right after they had take care of things. We have now taxis with one officer or sergeant in them picking up these guys also, 30 pick up groups here in Helsinki, we have managed to get 90 men now. 80 has said to come right after they can. We try to call them but the internet blackout is fucking up that also. Also heavy traffic jams, people are rushing to shops, drug stores, gas stations… you name it. By this speed, we can possibly have 300 or 500 by the late evening.

-Battalion. One fucking battalion.

-Yes. And in 24 hours, by this speed we might have another battalion here in Helsinki. We have now volunteer recruit points were people can come and give their names and we check if they have a position in one of our units. Some of them have the letter we send 2 years ago but their positions have changed so we have to check them manually. There is a growing number of people coming to these points but also some rioters.

-Didn’t we give a precise order to this rapid respond reserve formation, this 24 hour readiness group? Address were they should go, number they should call? Why we are handpicking them?

-The government decided that it has to be ready in 24 hours counting from the time they have the letter or information in their hand. Well, they have the first letter that says they are in that group but it was just an announcement. We can’t tell 24k people about that secret, it would be…

-…yes, it won’t work. So basically this plan is fucked up. Have they send that letter, the real mobilization one with collecting point?

-They are printing it now. It will be on post by afternoon.

-So it will be on their hands tomorrow or day after that, fuck it’s the weekend… so on Monday and from that we have to count 24 hours so this group will be, in theory, ready in 5 days. Some marvelous planning from our defense ministry, again.

-Sir, we have to read on radio places where our reserves have to go. And read lists. And on TV.

-And give Russians perfect targets to hit?

-What else can we do?

-We have to mobilize our conscripts.

-That’s 7000 or actually 2800 at the moment. They are having 2 days free because of Independence day. They should be back at garrisons tomorrow. We suspect that some of them won’t come back because of mobilization and this war.

-So we can have, in theory, one brigade or let’s say 3 or 4 separate battalions from conscripts with conscript leaders and our own personnel leading them and handling the harder stuff in 24 or 36 hours?

-In theory, yes. But they are no match to professional Russian Tank Brigades. It would be like sending them to suicide mission.

-There is now 6th Army at Kamenka, 3 full brigades, 750 tanks, separate special force battalions, 3 airborne regiments air borne, 3 missile brigades waiting orders to launch Iskanders, over 200 Su’s and MiG’s… and this is just the south part. At north there is 2 full Brigades, one tank brigade and all the support from Murmansk area air force units. Also attack helo’s, missiles, cruise missiles, electronic warfare brigade, our radio comms will be dead. And our cell network. Wondering why they let our radio and TV still work…

-Sir, they need a channel to follow our information. They wait that we hesitate and give something useful… just like I was advising… Shit. They seem to know our every move…

-Yes. And our moves are public stuff. Just google it. Besides we train 20k conscripts a year, they fill youtube with army videos and update stuff in facebook. And when they are drunk they can’t keep their mouths shut. Russia instead smudges things and the fucking maskirovka. Sometimes it is not that and they have layers of systems. In Ukraine they this proxy shit, but now they are coming in classic mass formations with a surprise. We can’t beat those land formations, they will drive straight to Helsinki and the North group will take Lapland and drive straight to Swedish border.

-Why we didn’t see this coming, General Kaski?

-Why? Goddamn, we report this kinda possibility many times to our politicians, President was in these meetings but he kept saying that he will handle this, he will go to Moscow and negotiate bla bla. Instead he came with a nuclear deal plant, gave Russians a perfect weapon to stir our economy and to build a nuclear bomb into our soil. He also appointed his kinda guys to top positions, the defense minister kicked out one of our most capable guy and replaced him with a whimp. It’s been like our defense experts have been walking in sleeping pills for the last 30 years…

-We need help.

-Yes. We will get some help. It won’t enough but we have some tricks we haven’t use yet. Where is president Niinistö? Get him here now! And give me coffee perkele! Oh there’s the coffee…

North Atlantic, Viking Through, USS Minnesota 1018 zulu.

-Sir, ELF message, priority one!

-Very well, lets see that.

Fast attack submarine Minnesota was 150 meters below the sea surface going silent listening traffic around it. It had followed Russian K-410 Smolensk Oscar class sub for few days from distance. It was one noisy bitch, it had a flaw in one of its blades that made a unmistakable fingerprint. And modern sonars were some spaceship tech that could hear polar bears sleeping. They actually recorded one under the ice near Svalbard last year. Well, it was snoring though.

-Sonar, what’s the status of Smolensk?

-It’s 30 miles on our starboard, going 8 knots, heading 255 sir.

-Any other contacts?

-One Udaloy behind us, 90 miles, 10 knots, heading 196 sir. It’s Levchenko sir.

-Okay. XO, put us on battle stations. Full ahead, turn to Smolensk’s course.

-Battle Stations! Full ahead, new course 290! Sir… what is this?

-You wont believe this.

Captain Moorer gave to executive officer the ELF message.

-Lantcom to all fleet…code red…search and ping all Russian Navy ships and subs, report positions and keep them on cross hairs. This is not a drill. This is not a drill. This is not a drill?!

-Not a drill. Looks like whole NATO Atlantic units have the same order.

-This is related to Baltic Sea situation?

-Seems like it. President Clinton is showing she has some balls. I kinda like that. Jesus, I’m having goose bumps, do you feel the same?

-But sir… this… we can cause a war here!

-Nah, Russia has rusty corvettes on steroids that can’t go full speed, we know all of their locations and their ship crews by names, we are going to show them that if you move, we blow you to Valhalla.

-But their nuclear missile subs…

-Both of them are followed around the clock, if they open a hatch, it’s 30 seconds to Mars. Clinton has good advisors. They know we can kick Russia’s ass to the moon and don’t hesitate to show it. Bold. And sexy.

-Yes sir.

-Now get me a cup of tea. We have 25 minutes before we are on Smolensk’s bow. We might even have a chance to open our torpedo hatches this time.

NATO HQ, Brussels 1030 zulu.

-People, you need to see this, White House is having an announcement… on the screen now, live from Washington.

President Clinton of United States of America walked to the microphones in deep blue dress, had a tough look on her face and no jewelry or any shiny things. USA and NATO flag and a big screen was behind her.

-Good to see you all. As you might know already, there is a dangerous situation evolving now on Russia and Baltic Sea region. We have here satellite images of Russian military massing over one hundred thousand strong Army at the Finnish borders. They have landed over 6000 strong force with tanks and air force units to Aland that is a demilitarized zone by United Nations decision from year 1921. The have lied that it is a peace keeping drill with Finland. They have also shot down one F-18 Hornet over Baltic Sea. There was a also bomb explosion in Moscow this morning wounding seriously president Putin and killing some other people according to Russian media. While we are still trying to have confirmed reports of the status of of mr Putin, the Russian media has already made claims that Finnish people are behind this attack. They have also ordered full mobilization by the acting president, Army General Shoigu. He says that he was appointed by the Russian government and is now the acting President of Russian Federation. We believe there might be some kinda Army coup going on, they have now lots of internal military and police units controlling Moscow and other major cities. NATO has reported heavy Russian military activity at Baltic Sea but says it is not directed against NATO members, yet. Because of the possibility that Russia might be in hands of non reasonable persons and that they have over 7000 nuclear warheads, I have ordered our Armed Forces to full alert. Our Navy with NATO friends are right now rushing to Atlantic  to secure peace and find all Russian Navy vessels. You can see from the screen that we already know where they are. This is all happening in fully co-operation with European Union and NATO…

-Anyone seen that order here?

-Sir, it came 5 minutes ago, we are having information tsunami at the moment…

-Give it to me, now.

-…and I as the president of USA won’t let Russia to break the international rules and annex Aland. United Nations are in emergency meeting right now about this situation an will condemn Russia’s actions. We are going to also demand that Russia with draws all its troops from Crimea and East-Ukraine. This has to stop now. We want that Russia has to resign its position in UN Security Council. There is no room from terrorists there. Yes, what Russia does is state terrorism against it’s weaker neighbors and is trying to use those non-NATO status as excuse to use force to…

-Well who would expect that…

-She’s making America great again?

-Yeah and NATO too. Bloody time some one takes lead.

-You noticed that she didn’t said it was a Finnish Air Force Hornet?

-Let’s keep it that way. It is after all American plane. And she wasn’t lying…

-Sir, in the order our Baltic Sea naval units are not ordered to hunt the Russian vessels or subs.

-Yes I know. There’s another plan for that. Vikings have something to say first. Now I need coffee. It’s gona be busy next 24 hours…

to be continued…

… – – – …

The mother fucking saga continues… part 5 soon. Stay tuned! 😉




Jolly Viking, part 4


Täytä tietosi alle tai klikkaa kuvaketta kirjautuaksesi sisään:

Olet kommentoimassa -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )

Google+ photo

Olet kommentoimassa Google+ -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Olet kommentoimassa Twitter -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Olet kommentoimassa Facebook -tilin nimissä. Log Out /  Muuta )


Muodostetaan yhteyttä palveluun %s